It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
