I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
