you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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