I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
dude. I can hear the air.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
