hell yes lets make some ravioli
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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