This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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