She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
