I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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