i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize
