everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
she peed on how many people?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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