We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
