I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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