Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
