at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
