Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
