I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize