it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
