dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
