Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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