I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
