i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
