I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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