anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
