She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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