he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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