I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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