apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
