great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
