Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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