I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
