Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
