we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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