The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
