I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
