Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
