Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Randomize
