so that wasnt chicken after all
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Randomize
