is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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