Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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