I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
