Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
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...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
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I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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