We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
