she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize