If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
