i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
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He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
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Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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