we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I think people are normalizing furries
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
