dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
