i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
