Where is the hickey?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
MIDGETS
????
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
