Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
