I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
