LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
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I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
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i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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