so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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