Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
