I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
