just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
vagina is talking i cant
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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