1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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