hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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