this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
where does the pee come out of this thing
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
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