Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
