Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
