I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
