You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
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I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
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I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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