kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
sex in a hospital.. check
Floor bacon is actually really good
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
