We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
