You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
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Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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