Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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