ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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