dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
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you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
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You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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