Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
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I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
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were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
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