Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
he high fived his dick after we had sex
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
