Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
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