I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
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