Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
