I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Randomize
