So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
